Sweetie Berry |

Company Girl Coffee

November 18, 2011 in Company Girl Coffee, Growing Into Lovely with 9 Comments

Each week a group of ladies meet on a virtual coffee break. Rachel Anne Ridge, of Home Sanctuary, encourages fellowship by sharing small steps each weekday to make your home a sanctuary. On Fridays we enjoy gathering for a virtual coffee with Rachel Anne Ridge’s “Company Girl Coffee“…will you join us?

This time of year just speeds up for many folks. I find that I become more aware of the frantic pace and faces of those I meet in the store and at second hand shops. It reminds me and humbles me that we have so much at the Berry home. This time of year is about giving. Whether its giving permission for something fun at home that you didn’t have time to do originally, or giving in to letting go of what you thought “should” happen that day. This time of year I work on giving up my way and allowing God’s way of giving to be in my heart. It’s recognizing no matter where you are in your life, there is so much more to be thankful for than we consider each day. It’s looking around our already over crowded house and realizing that there are people scouring stores for something to share with their loved ones and here you are not able to even put away all that is in the house. It’s about picking up the phone, text, or writing a letter to let people know you care. How many of the people near us are lonely this year? How many of us are lonely too? How can we share with others in meaningful ways this season? Our older children are on their own now and they recant story after story of young families who have no extended family, who don’t have family to go home to for holidays or for Christmas. Who have no clue how to prepare a meal that looks anything like the storybook versions of Thanksgiving…after the storms in Alabama last spring, too many here don’t even know where the storybook is anymore.

What can you do where you are?

This week my youngest child reminded me that her art teacher provides so much for them each week, couldn’t we bake cookies each week through Christmas and relieve her of snack time provisions as a gift this Christmas? She made and took 2x what the class size required with a note, “maybe these can be shared with your family.” I would have not thought of that gift, but oh how her teacher was delighted and shared how just taking out that hour a week to bake would be such a gift. Madi offered what she could do, where she is. Baking is her special gift.

A new friend mentioned that they didn’t have matching dishes like her childhood dinner with her Mom, dishes are one thing you can be assured the Berry house will have too many of. We went to the garage and let her pick from three colors of sets and set her home to prepare her first Thanksgiving dinner with matched dishes. I had to laugh, dishes are something I can always share. Not a big thing to me, for I am always on the hunt for bargain sets of dish patterns I love, but God so used my love of bargains to answer her prayers as a childhood set was exactly what was in the box…the ones she’d longed for the last few days facing her first Thanksgiving without her mom. Do you know the stinker part (as in God’s so stinking awesome as Sarah L Cook would say) the set I had was EXACTLY her childhood pattern she longed for. God IS stinkin AWESOME.

What do you have where you are that would mean something to someone else, while it sits on your shelf unused?

My son is selling yet another vehicle this year. I believe this is his fourth. As always, he has his eye on a shiny new to him jeep. In the past, he’s not taken time to clean up his trucks well, but considered they were outdoorsmen like himself and wouldn’t care. Yesterday he took the time to make the truck as nice as he could shine it, cleaned it out and then met his buyer. The older gentleman was buying the 2005 truck as his first “new” one in 30 years. Chase was humbled as he realized what he took for granted in having might be a prize possession for another. He spent the afternoon with this gentleman, and I believe my son got the better end of the deal, the gentleman’s wisdom spoke deeply into his heart. He showed him his farm where each item was treated with purpose and respect, for indeed each item had a role to play in supporting the man.

What do we fail to appreciate in our own lives? Who do we need to consider in our giving, our presence, and our appreciation?

I noticed our son’s room was in a different place last night, and he had carried a stack of shirts and pants out to share with a friend who is a newlywed father and is now in a very different place financially than a year ago. When I asked, his words were precious….”Mom, I take so much for granted, I realize now that I need to be supporting folks who make right choices, who take responsibility and pay the price for the things that come up…I have so much, and here I am complaining about picking up laundry when someone else is simply hoping to have a shirt to wear for an interview”

What do we take for granted? What do we forget to be thankful for?

Les Berry loves to hunt, but more than his love and accuracy in hunting, I love that he gives joyfully. A 350 pound hog is truly more bacon and sausage than our family needs, but I believe he gets the huge hogs and large deer because it is first on his mind to share 1/2 of whatever he gets with a hunter coming out of the woods. In our Alabama, most hunters are not hunting simply for sport hunting, they hunt for table food. I am so thankful for a husband who shares his bounty.

How can you use what you love doing to help others?

It’s pretty easy to get caught up in the “I can’t haves” and “If only’s” of the holiday season. We are fed such silly images of what family success is….this week I am just filled with the love of our Savior and His love for others…including me. Can we all take the next few weeks and focus on the people God puts before us? Can we share what we have where we are? Can we work on starting and finishing the day with thankful hearts? Can we ask God to help us realize what we have to share, whether its extras in our home or money we would have spend unwisely?

This is my Thanksgiving Prayer and I hope it will be yours:

Father God, thank you for all that you bring to my heart and life, help me to love others as you have loved me, to forgive others as you continually forgive me. Help me to be a good steward of your provision. In Jesus name,

Amen

Integrity Matters…100% of the Time

November 16, 2011 in Basics Matter, Growing Into Lovely, Living Your Values, Sweetie As Strategist with 0 Comments

When I work with small businesses and entrepreneurs there is often a conversation about what they should offer for FREE to engage someone’s email on their list, to entice someone to work with them as a company, or to try their product. Personally I’d rather be asked about a list and told “when you join our mailing list we’ll give you x y z, than to imply the gift is the reason they are asking.

Integrity matters to me.

The mentality is that you have to be “free” to have people try you before they buy your services or product. There is a place for that in production testing, in deciding how or if something is desired in the market, and we all like to be enticed to try something new. However, if you are a solopreneur, small business and or entrepreneur I implore businesses and clients to see if their integrity lines up with what they are saying. “Free Consultation” can imply that at no risk to the client, they are having a “look see” at you as a service or product provider. That may be true, but to be effective it isn’t free. You’re asking for an investment of time, intellect and effort in return for a truthful taste of your services. However, it is rarely free for either the potential or the business seeking the potential. I haven’t met many successful companies that don’t truly understand the cost of that procurement of the client or purchase. It may be cost effective for Big Box Brand A to spend 40 hours with one of their strategist giving “free” consultations each month with the hopes of gaining a revenue share of those consultations and transition them into clients. However for the solopreneur, the stakes would be awfully high to do so. Let’s do the math:

40 hours of the 170 hours a month an average worker works = 1/4 of their income producing time (and the majority of those calls may be 20-30% effective for producing future income at best, the majority being a waste of time if pre qualifiers are not in place) = 40 hours of limited to no income producing activities.

40 hours of potential interviews/try before you buy sessions most likely means 20 hrs of additional prep time for calls, so its truly 60 hrs per month of invested time

That’s 40 hours of phone time, skype time, in person time and the costs of whatever that location or format is…

And moreover

It’s teaching folks that your time, your expertise, and your services are not worth paying for.

We won’t even talk about how many of the potentials truly never had an intention of going forward as a client.

Before you as a small business or solopreneur engage in 1/4 of your time as hopefully leading to new business, have you considered?:

A low point of entry evaluative tool for their business, services, or products with a no strings attached value for their business?
An on-going educational series available online or onsite to help them determine if they are a good candidate for your services or business?
A pre-qualifier for attributes of a well qualified “fit” for your business or service is? A Checklist or Suggestive interactive?
A component concept of levelized offerings your company provides so a company can begin where they are. We offer A, B, C D levels of service.

If these things are not in place on your social media interactions, content on your website or taught in your business blog, you might consider helping your potentials know who you are from the beginning. Engagement happens when both sides of an arrangement are assured that each is a “fit” for the needs of their business and that there is integrity in the offer.

What are you doing to communicate your value to potentials? How are you affirming what it is you do on your website, social media pages, or tweets? Why does that matter and how can you measure if what you are doing is effective? ….more on this topic to come!

Becoming Closer…

November 16, 2011 in A Joyful Place Called Home, A Simple Joy, Growing Into Lovely with 2 Comments

Do you know your spouse or children’s love language? Can you name five ways that he/she feels loved by you? Les teases me about asking questions. Often when we’re in the car I’ll ask the children or Les “What is the #1 thing that makes you feel loved” and listen. You’ll be amazed at what comes out of their mouths. My son in about fourth grade said “clean socks in my drawer”~ because of my absolutely horrid performance on laundry I knew the poor child had not felt loved consistently his whole life at that point. Very few of us are encouraged to think about what does bring us pleasure, warmth or joy. Take a moment, right now, and think, what would make today fabulous for you. A few of you would say Disney world, or a cabin in the mountain, but a whole lot more of us would think of simply things that we can absolutely do. Why don’t we? I used to order a certain breakfast item on the road, then realized one day “Why don’t I do this at home?” and the only reason was I’d never thought to treat me with it at home…silly… a $2 item that made my mornings go much more smoothly. We often play take away with our own lives for no apparent reason, why not give to yourself and give to those you love when you can?

When I think about what Les loves it allows me to bring comfort and support to his world. I know that one of the things he loves best is that I am glad to see him when he arrives home. This is an easy gift, but I am simply thrilled when he comes home. I love to plan to be near the door or available to spend 10-15 minutes with him as he shares his day. I also know that right after that he’s got things on his agenda to do for a while, so it’s a good time to finish dinner, a project, or simply go relax on my own. Our family agrees upon one thing, family dinner is their native dialect of love language….if you want my family to show up all you have to do is mention dinner….I have to laugh, for we can be in the middle of a difficult hour when the dinner hour arrives and suddenly for that half hour the peace talks begin and cease fires are in place….oh that we could work on our government learning that feat…

Les knows that I don’t enjoy pumping gas any more, after an eye injury the fumes now burn when I am anywhere near them, so he keeps my CRV fueled for me when possible. He also fuels our teens cars from time to time, because Dad giving teens gas money is rare and even more fun is when you wake up to a full tank as a love gift from dad.

Ask, listen, engage….three easy steps to truly becoming close as a couple or family. I ask. What do you like best when we’re home? When do you truly relax? Where is the best place for you to have a great day? What gives you comfort when you’re at school? How could Mom support you having a great day today. Sometimes simply the answers allow me to understand where they are coming from, sometimes they educate me as to what stresses the children or Les or facing. Other times I learn the value of what is already in place in our lives and what that means to them.

Listen. Depending on the day, the hour, or the mood you may get a sour answer. You might get a sarcastic answer if they think you’re not sincere about what they want or need. If you’re not willing to allow others to be safe in the sharing of their heart, then you’re not going to make progress in becoming closer. Defending your stance doesn’t work either. Listening means just that, to listen without judgement and engage what is said before answering. Not everyone articulates their thoughts or their feelings. Sometimes I have to ask if something is true to get to that space. “Is it irritating to you when I _______, because I’m beginning to think so because__________” and then get quiet. Listen and listen without defending yourself.

Relationships take effort. Engaging people where they are and loving them as they are is key. Too often as adults we’re in the habit of goal setting, production line thinking, or getting to some place or point….but family is about simply being. It’s about celebrating the moments together and sharing the space of the good and difficult. It’s about being there for one another when things go sour. It’s about preventing things going sour when you can by supporting each other as we grow. As we go into the holidays we’ve asked what is important to the teens and to each other. We’ve let go of some activities that no one truly enjoyed and worked on holiday time and activities that we will all engage and enjoy. Becoming closer doesn’t have to look like a Hallmark moment, or even take the work of a Thanksgiving dinner, it might look a lot like exactly where you are, with more awareness of why you do what you do and letting go of what doesn’t work for any of you.

Part of what works for our family is taking the time to truly think about what works for us as a family….as individuals…as a couple. We do have some special days, hours, and activities together when we stop to think about them. When we take time to be thankful for those times and more aware of their value, we engage them more often. Once we used to go ice skating as a family 2 maybe 3 times a year, now we know that is something we all enjoy, so its planned once every 4-5 weeks as family night in our local rink. We’re not serious about skating, but its a family friendly fun time for our teens and their friends and about every 6 weeks there is a family night at the rink that makes it affordable to take a passel of kids with us. Close doesn’t have to mean expensive, it just means together.

Making It Mine Lesson #7

November 15, 2011 in Growing Into Lovely, Life Lessons, Making It Mine with 1 Comment

Sometimes you just have to allow the pain. Friends disappoint, sad things happen, or unexpectedly something is simply gone. Too often in this go go go world we do not allow the season of mourning. I can remember when my first husband left. We were in graduate school, I had summer finals the next day. One moment I thought I was happily married, the next I found out that had all been an illusion. Do you think there was time to allow the pain? Uhm…no. Graduate arguments were scheduled that week so literally I looked at my mom and said “I can’t do this now, I have months of research and effort put into finishing this degree….he’s not coming back, at least I can salvage this, and powered through the next 2 days of panels and arguments. Except it didn’t stop, after passing the verbals, then there was a cross country move to the new job, then the new job turned into administration….before I looked twice it was four years later. Keep on keeping on is something we hear often, but when do we actually allow ourselves to stop, allow feeling, and then healing of the wounds in life. Too often the answer is we don’t. We have to feel. We have to hurt. We have to process the pain that comes into our lives. Take time to feel, so that that undealt with emotion doesn’t become toxic inside of you.

In the last few years I was given a word illustration that really has impacted my personal and professional life. Give pardon, excuse the unexcused by taking it visually to the throne room of God and laying the burden down. You don’t have to understand why they did it, why they continue doing it, but you are simply asking God on your behalf to pardon whatever the problem was, their part of it, your part of it, all of it. You see in this scenario the only person you can forgive is yourself, you can pardon others. You know your own mistakes, if you are repentant and can choose to forgive your mistakes….but the thought pattern was, you cannot forgive someone for their mistakes, you don’t know their heart, you don’t know their situation to change, but you can give your pardon and ask God’s pardon for whatever it was they did. You can release the burden from your heart and ask God to forgive it. It’s a syntax difference but one that agrees with the Hebrew concept of what forgiveness is, which is very different than asking for and receiving pardon. It is very easy for me personally to forgive, I guess I know how many ways I am imperfect, so it is easy for me to allow others to be too. It doesn’t seem to matter how ugly the sin, I know that my own isn’t lovely either… What about you?

Learn. Really. Put 2 and 2 together. If you keep returning to the same situations in life take time to learn. Maybe you are choosing people to be friends who are simply good at telling you what you want to hear in order to get what they want to get. Learn. Maybe you keep telling yourself it’s okay to help those who won’t help themselves, which in more specific terms is enabling, not empowering. Learn. Maybe you want to be available for dinner with your family, but you don’t leave the office until after dinner. Learn. Our words matter Our integrity with ourselves and others matter, we truly want to change, we do. If we simply think we might consider changing, we don’t. Learn the steps it takes to go where you want to go with your life. It turns out that learning what it takes often means its much easier than you thought….just one step at a time forward. If you can’t put 2 and 2 together, ask God for wisdom. God promises wisdom for those who ask….He will never break that promise.

Let Go. Let go of your past. Let go of who hurt you. Let go of what is robbing you of the joy God gives you for today. Let go. Let go of some ancient thing you did or didn’t do. Let go of that identity that no longer is you, let go. Let go of the woulda, shoulda, coulda’s and become who you are, embrace what is. Allow what is to be in alignment to what you believe is true. Stop playing the “Someday” game and begin to embrace “this is my life…just as it is right now” game, and if changes are needed, then own them, if you take a moment to consider, you might just be surprised how happy and prosperous your life is…Let Go of what you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are. You are enough right where you are. God uses all things for good, so simply go forward and wait to see just how he uses what was done to harm you for good….sometimes its breathtaking to see just how he turns that around…I’ve lived it! Do what you know to do right now, what’s put in front of you today. God whispers the smallest urges…listen for them and do them…and soon it will be second nature to live in His path for you…and you will find peace and joy in that journey.

Forgiveness of your own heart and actions matter. Maybe you’ve let yourself down. Maybe you made horrific mistakes in your life. Maybe you are so hard on yourself that no one could beat you with a stick and hold a candle to what you do to yourself with your self talk. Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. We all do ridiculous things for ridiculous reasons. Own your mistakes, and take your heart to God and ask for His forgiveness and then work on your own as well. There is no glory in self mutilation or self abuse, in fact, it simply keeps you from being obedient to God’s call to love others as ourselves. It’s a form of pride to say “I’m the worst of the worst” instead of accepting God’s countenance and forgiveness to overcome whatever it was. Embrace God’s word, release guilt, shame, and blame and be who you were created to be….God’s most loved creation…..and go forward in love.

The Vote Clearly Said “Play Matters”

November 13, 2011 in Growing Into Lovely, Life Lessons with 2 Comments

Too many times in my life have I placed the importance of a schedule or deadline as my focus instead of the joy of living. Because my work is so enjoyable, I often forget that not all play involves a deadline, production, or finishing a finish line. As a creative sometimes the best infusion of energy comes from when I simply close shop and go create some fun or time enjoying creating. Whether its changing the venue to outside to toss a ball with my six foot four son, or to go ice skating with my fifteen year old daughter, time to play matters. When we take time to change our scenery, our focus, our stress and engagement level, we release our minds and hearts to expand our awareness. Taking time to do things I love with people I love creates in me such contentment that I simply enter a new space when I return to solving a problem, creating a work project, or completing a deadline.

Play for children and adults is a change to relax, to engage in problem solving in a different format of thinking. To physically, emotionally, and visually enlarge our focus. When I am working on a huge project or client work it is important for me to schedule play time as a regular part of each day. That time away from my desk, or project allows me to keep a fresh perspective, to gain a resilience of vision that doesn’t happen without the time away and laughter.

One of the best parts of owning my own business, of being an entrepreneur has been to be fully able to measure and recognize how simply balancing life pairs with productivity. You see, the very most productive times of our business is when we are also most balanced in allowing time for physical health, emotional health, relationship time, creative time, work and rest time. Without any one of the six areas of our life not engaged, before long the whole of our life doesn’t work as well as an individual or family. This year when our family came together to review what worked for us as a family…the most obvious time to all was scheduling time for play consistently as a family and for each of us as individuals each week mattered. Each week we have a family night just as Les and I have a date night. That night is set aside for pleasant things, even if a child is on restriction. We gather, play, prepare food together and spend the evening simply being together whether it be bowling as a family or putting up a board game in our kitchen and having pizza night around it.

Family night has been important to our blended family. That time to play helped hearts heal and helped them meld together. It gave us a sense of unity, play gave us a sense of appreciation for each of our individual gifts, taking time to celebrate that which we creatively love to do gave each of us and all of us a sense of self and an anchor to return to on the tough days, a place to find peace. Our time as a family “playing” as a family isn’t an “extra” anymore, its an essential part of our success.

Making It Mine Lesson #5

November 11, 2011 in Growing Into Lovely, Life Lessons, She's So There with 2 Comments

When I have faced and owned an area of my life that needs to be addressed, I find a common theme. Once you have identified that lack or awareness of a skill area in your life, you have about seven days to process and move towards a commitment to change. As I coach and work with individuals and business I hear a common theme. A fear of failure is often what allows someone or a business to excuse themselves from growing. However, when that lack or skill area is identified and the business or individual truly wants to grow, that information coupled with the person truly being in integrity with their said words affirming they desire to grow…well integrity demands that growth occur.

You can’t say you want to make it as an entrepreneur if you’re unwilling to learn skills of marketing, communication, book keeping, and the proficiency in your chosen area. If you’re unwilling to expand and learn those skills, your words become inconsistent with the integrity it takes to succeed.

I can talk all day long about why i am 75 lbs overweight. Those words of wanting to be thinner or healthier are inconsistent with the actions I am taking to do something about it. Since becoming aware of that truth, it is rare for me to say “I wish I could lose weight” and I have chosen a more truthful set of words “I am unwilling to choose steps that will allow my body to lose weight” Why that truth is true I am still working on, but at least I am now in alignment with what I say versus what I do. Integrity with yourself is important and it is part of what leads to a peace filled life.

Fear of failure can look like many forms of “I can’t”….it can show up as “it’s too expensive”, “I don’t have the time” “That will never work” or “When I …I’ll do that” but it may be that you’re simply not in integrity with yourself on that topic. The truth may be that you’re unwilling to, not that you can’t. Your truth may be that you value latte’s once a day than a new computer every two months. It may be that you don’t like what will become obvious if doing that action won’t solve the problem you’ve hung it on for the longest time. (What if I get skinny and I still can’t __________) We often carry an acceptable excuse in our minds that covers an unacceptable fear hidden beneath the surface.

Integrity says I am this and I am okay with it. Integrity means that if you’re not okay with something you start dealing with whatever it is until you are. Fear of failure can allow you to be stuck in that space for a lifetime, but integrity demands that if you’re stuck, you seek help, change, growth, or experience until you can change.